he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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