I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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