You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
