Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
