at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
