matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
