So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
