Can i not drive my cunt home
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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