I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you would pick up someone in the library
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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