I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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