im holly from the hills drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
