I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
