A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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