my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
