I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
