HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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