LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
