i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize