tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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