o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
