I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
