I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
