he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize