Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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