this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
