??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
