i think i have herpe
just one?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
