Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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