I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
