Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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