and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
