I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
