I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
