absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
