Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
