I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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