How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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