they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize