My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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