I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
