you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
