Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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