arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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