I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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