I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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