you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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