I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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