the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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