Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
