I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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