I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
