I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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