Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
