I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
