Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize