I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
