i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
