I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
