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we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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