I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
