i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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