okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
