and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
