Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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